Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Not enough sleep and the resultant crappy day.

In the last 48 hours I've had maybe six solid hours of sleep? It's been like combat trying to get some sleep. As a result, my mood has tanked somewhat significantly and I'm having a crappy day. A really crappy day. I just want to go to sleep for a while and wake up feeling like I got some sleep. Is that really too much to ask for? Physically I'm otherwise pretty healthy, no cold, flu or anything else, but at around midnight I'm going to take some NYQUIL because I know that will put me down for a nights sleep. Cause if I don't sleep tonight, I'm going to have to check myself into the hospital to keep myself from doing something rash.

So my entire day was shot two days before I even started it. Oh joy. I'm not even sure why I'm putting this here, cause to be honest, it seems pointless and lame. To much me being a whiny, cranky bitch and not enough sunshine and joy. Well this blog is the darker side of things, the more personal impact of having "survived" Earl and his folks.

Frankly, it's times like these that make me wonder if "surviving" was such a good idea. The lasting mental and emotional health issues that plague my so called life are just staggering.
Side note: As I write this, a lovely female cardinal landed on the branch right outside my window and is just nibbling away on berries. That has brightened my mood some. I just sat here for a few moments watching her and beaming her some Reiki.
So, as I was saying. Survival? Yeah, I've managed to escape abuse, and have "lived" to tell the tale so to speak. But at what cost? I'm not nearly the same person I used to be. Not even close. I'm living with chronic health issues as a result of years of violence. I have "trust" issues with 99% of the world, can't stand noise, crowding, moving too fast, not feeling safe, and so much more. I have Post Traumatic Stress, Anxiety, and Depression topping the list, and of course the way those three things react with each other is just such a joy . . . {Yes, that was dripping with sarcasm}

So like I say, crappy day . . .

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